I'm going to NYC in 2 weeks. whoop. alone. crap. Nah, it really doesn't bother me (it really should, I'm dangerous) I'm sure I can keep myself amused somehow, I've done it in London...you get on the underground/subway...you pretend you know where you are going and your intended destination...you see a Starbucks and think thank god - walk over with determination (that's where you wanted to go anyway, right?) you take a picture of yourself in starbucks, put it on facebook so everyone can see what an amazing and cultural time you are having....better yet, you and your starbucks on the underground- Kodak moment- like if you are in Italy you have the picture with the red wine and pizza in the quaint little restaurant, if you are like me you get the waiter in there for extra points- look I made an Italian friend, he hots right? no? he's Italian. hes hot. deal. Piece of cake. This travelling alone stuff is gonna be great - I'll be just like that lady in eat prey love novel, i shall find myself by getting lost in New York....or I'll just get lost and hope I see a starbucks (think Madonna's just like a prayer video, starbucks is my church- when I was younger it used to be McDonalds- noone speaks english mum, i don't like it...ohhh a McDonalds, its like being at home, i bet it doesn't taste as good - like cadburys in the US, its not the same...its just not the same)

WATCH ME IN GUITAR HERO 5 PROMO!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GYwWgZvPhrY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awe-ryvcGSs

My obsession with White Cotton...especially socks.

Since I can remember I've had some sort of fascination with clean white cotton, you know, like clean white cotton socks, crisp cotton sun dresses, soft virginal cotton panties...maybe that was the appeal of them. In a sense white cotton reminds me of my childhood; the age of innocence; frilly white school socks, a clean white vest, fouled by grass stains and slops of dinner Also I like the simplicity of it, the purity and cleanliness. I suppose it was a little nod and wink to myself that although I'd lost my innocence I could still play the vulnerable little girl; I could still fool people. Anyway, the point of this blog, and all my rambling above is to share a poem by Maraget Atwood I found. Atwood is one of my favourate authors but she she just got extra brownie points for writing this:

WHITE COTTON T-SHIRT

White cotton t-shirt: an innocent garment then.
It made its way to us from the war, but we didn't know that.
For us it was the vestment for summer,
whiter than white, shining with whiteness
because it had been washed in blood, but we didn't know that,
and in the cropped sleeve, rolled up tightly
into a cuff, were tucked ciggerettes,
also white within their packet, also innocent,
as were white panties, white convertibles,
white blond brush-cuts,
and the white, white teeth of the lilting smiles
of the young men

Ignorance makes all things clean.
Our knowledge weighs us down.
We want it gone

so we can put on our white T-shirts
and drive once more through the early dawn
streets with the names we never could
pronounce, but it didn't matter,
over broken glass and bricks, passing
the wary impoversihed faces,
the grins filled with blackening teeth,
the starving dogs and stick children
and the slackened bundles of clothing
that once held men.

enjoy the rush of morning air
on out clean, tanned skins,
and the white, white flowers we hold out in our fists,
believing - still - that they are flowers of peace.

-Maraget Atwood, The Door

Image by Moi.

The images below are taken from thegapingvoid.com- visit it. Hugh is a genius. he rocks my world.

I'LL HAVE A DECAF,NON FAT, EXTRA HOT..OH GOD PLEASE FUCK OFF AND DIE, LATTE.

I clutch in my hands one mighty cup of coffee. It has the exact acidity, body, sweetness, bitterness and aroma profiles as nature intended. The beans, they have been roasted for a minimum of 18 minutes (because anything less than 14 minutes is not officially ‘slow roasting’ you know…) and my milk has been expertly steamed to the perfect drinking temperature of 140 degrees with just the right consistency of milk to smooth silky foam. I get to enjoy all of this whilst relaxing on a squish brown leather couch while the eclectic sounds of modern and new world jazz fills my ears and revel in the scenic view…a HSBC Bank, a Mc Donald’s, a Pizza Hut oh and a Costa coffee. Beautiful isn’t it?

Ah for the love of corporate coffee chains; one of Britain’s biggest boom industries. These coffee chains are popping up in Britain quicker that you can say cappuccino. This morning on my way to work, and please bear in mind this is a less than 10 minute walk, I have passed two Starbucks, A Rhoad Island Coffee, a Café Nero, two Costa Coffee shops, not to mention the one inside my bank and I hear they are opening another Starbucks across the road, my question is, is there really any need? The words “over-saturation” doesn’t seem to apply to this market, why? We are turning into a nation of coffee lovers. Britain is no longer the nation that drinks tea, eats scones and shops at our local butchers.

We are a country of mass corporation; a country of Mc Donald’s and Subways and most of all corporate coffee houses. They are everywhere, offering us convenient little ways to treat ourselves for under £3.00; in your bank, your train station, in your bookstore, in your supermarket, perhaps Little Britain weren’t far off when they joked about having a ‘Starbucks in a Starbucks’- its madness.

I could measure my life in cups of coffee. Every train journey I make, every lunch break I take I find myself doing what we British do best and queuing; queuing to receive my “venti, skinny misto” with a shot of sugar-free hazelnut syrup (just to give it that extra oomph or was that the extra 50 pence?) I’m not just getting a drink, I’m getting that small sense of well being we all need in our day to keep us happy and I only had to pay £3.00 for it – not to mention curbing my caffeine addiction until I revisit and purchase a take away coffee to enjoy on my way home.

What was it my friend was saying, “coffee leads to Red Bull, Red Bull leads to crack, they should ban the whole lot” Should they? You might not find this an unappealing thought, in fact were has this obsession with coffee chains come from you ask? The answer of course is America. Like all corporate businesses it all starts in the US of A. I blame ‘Friends’- we’re all after our own Central Perk. If we think about Central Perk for a moment and the fact that all the friends characters actually got seats, let alone the same and most coveted seat in the house “the couch” (you know what I’m talking about) shows you it must be pure fantasy.

The first UK Starbucks opened on King's Road in London in September 1998. Now there are 211 in the UK - an average six new coffee shops each month, and quite frankly there is no need for it.

I’m over stimulated with words and adjectives like, ‘rich’, ‘smooth’, ‘full bodied’, ‘silky’…and the choices! My god the choices! Depending on what branch you are in, what country… ‘Flat Whites’, ‘Long Black’, Grande, tall, small, decaf, non-decaf, soy…the list could go on. Yes, you feel like screaming at the young student serving you that you ‘just want a f**king coffee’ but is it there fault? No, of course its not…oh no, we have the ‘hierarchy’ to thank for that. Costa coffee, for example, when training its staff has its employees identify and recognise its three main types of customers; ‘The Commuter’, The ‘Pit-Stop’ and the ‘Stop and Chat’ what’s important they remind staff is ‘not what they look like, who they are, or why they are there, but what they expect from you’ and also to remember – ‘a customer might be a commuter type on Monday, but a stop and chat type on a Saturday’. Yes, and you thought it was all so simple and innocent, the good patrons of the world providing us with a much needed service with a smile. Helping the poor countries by promoting ‘Fair trade’ or ‘Freedom alliance’ products so we can feel good about buying there over-priced coffee. Nobody mentions the virtues of this virtual fair-trade mumbo jumbo are nonsense. The only ‘fair trade’ is the middle man or bulk supplier in the poorer country is getting more and the humble worker is no better off since even if he/she does get a fraction most of their other living costs would have spiralled. So the fat cats get fatter on both sides, the poor stay poor, and Starbucks gets to use friendly slogans like ‘fair-trade’ and sell friendly coffee to friendly customers.

As Tim Harford points out in his book the undercover economist, if star bucks really did have a hypnotic hold over its customers that critics complain about, it would hardly need to spend so much effort getting people to trip over its cafes. Tom stresses the importance of ‘location, location, location’. The real reason we are all avid coffee drinkers now is not because, Paris Hilton or Britney Spears are pictured drinking Starbucks everyday, or that we are all addicted to caffeine, it’s the simple fact that we can’t, unless we move to Antarctica, escape them, just like you can’t escape from McDonalds or HSBC bank. The only plus side to this mass corporation is there’s now less need to travel- everywhere looks the same, and at least that is beneficial to our war against pollution.

SORRY BROWN, SEX SELLS.....

Trust a feminist lesbian from the 60’s to vouch to have Porn in school. Imagine- “Today kids we will be discussing ‘dirty pictures and for your homework you can either make a video of your housemate jerking off or write a 1500 word essay examining whether females can connect with their ‘inner male’…oh and also please read chapter four of ‘The writings for prostitutes”

You might cringe at this point or stop reading in fear of what will follow, but like it or lump it, although living in ignorance of the $8 billion dollar porn industry has worked out so far for you, you better get used to talking about it. The fact is that Porn, Smut, dirty movies, etc, well folks, it isn’t going anywhere, nope, contrary to popular maxim the adult film industry is large enough to potentially be the deciding factor in the battle for format dominance between Blue Ray and High definition DVD- throw in a bunch of cable shows, satellite television, Internet sites, magazines, strip clubs and other novelties, then you’ve got one, brimming, over-grown, fully erect, in a manner of speaking, global conglomerate literally bursting with job opportunities- but ‘shh’ no sex please, we’re British.

We’ll ignore the fact that we English have the highest rates of teenage sexual activity in the industrialised world.

Britain is the country that produced the original vibrator in 1883, only we called it a ‘Peculeur’ and prescribed as a treatment for women with hysteria, ‘Nerve- Vibration and Excitation as Agents in the Treatment of functional Disorder and Organic Disease’. It took the British Public till the 1920’s to make the connection between the ‘Peculeur’ and sexual pleasure, by which point it became shameful and virtually disappeared until the second half the 20th Century. I might go as far as to say that the vibrator only entirely became an acceptable conversation topic in Britain after the now infamous ‘Rammat Rabbit’ was featured in an episode of the popular American sit-com Sex and the City.

The mention of sex in the UK automatically triggers a humour reflex; think a lot of ‘Carry on’ style ‘ooo ers’ and face pulling – a psychological quip so that we don’t all turn into awkward, tongue tied public school boys or over zealous giggling adolescent females.

You can imagine then, our shock and dismay at those ‘crazy’ Americans out there in La La Land suggested that ‘Porn Studies’ deserves a place in Academia. We wouldn’t be alone either.

Since the introduction of these academic studies into Pornography, University employees have been inundated by calls from lawmakers after disgusted citizens ordered an investigation into how the tax dollars are being spent, surely not to allow students to watch Porn in the classroom.

‘Pornography, regardless of what people may think of it is an important part of the artistic media, film, video and the internet, It’s omnipresent’, argues Peter Coham, a lecturer at Arizona state University, who teaches the class ‘Sexuality in the Media’. Not convinced? How about Politics of Sexual Representation? no? Maybe, Sexual Literacy and Society?

‘I could put together a syllabus in Porn Studies no problem’, says Mike Gornall, senior lecturer in Film and Media at the University of Central Lancashire, ‘It’s just the question of what we would be hoping to achieve from such a class. In fact contrary to what students might think they would find it very dull and boring. There’s no problem justifying its existence- Porn has always been present throughout history, from Advent Garde to San Fernando Valley in the 70’s to the Porn Industry today’

Lisa Cullen, writing for time magazine argues that porn has become so unambiguous in society, ‘its almost irresponsible not to teach young people how to deal with it’

As human beings, explains Paul Martin, writer of ‘Sex, Drugs and Chocolate: The Science of Pleasure’, we belong to a very sexual species, capable of being more lustful and inventive than the Bonobo. (the ‘Bonobo’ for the many of you wondering is our closest biological relatives who possess an extensive sexual repertoire, in addition to conventional male and female intercourse, bonobos....I’ll let the curious do there own research here)

‘The lure of sexual pleasure is so powerful that people will find ways of obtaining it even in difficult situations’, continues Martin. We are the only big brained mammals, excluding the dolphins, whose sexual behaviour isn’t shackled to reproduction. According to Martin, ‘most human sexual activity takes place when reproduction is impossible and in that sense it’s largely recreational’

‘The bottom line’, remarks Mike Gornall of UCLAN, ‘I don’t see anything wrong with Uclan offering such a course in Porn studies, but put it this way, I wouldn’t want to be the one to introduce that sort of course’. Why? ‘Because I imagine the backlash of offering such a course would be huge. It would be bad for the university’.

Ah so there you have it folks, shut the curtains, dim the lights, take your clothes off – and we’ll all pretend its not happening.

If Freud was around today I wonder what he’d make of all this. An average of $89 a second is estimated to be generated from porn, the statistics speak for their selves really, just don’t expect it in a classroom near you anytime soon.

He also lights his cigarettes with these 'turtle' matches...because they are, 'cheap' and 'conversation starters' (usually about jade goody!?! hmmm) =]=]=] I know you appreciate me JD hehe